Memories Of a Heart
by cerine123
Summary: "She never missed that smile of contentment as he faded away and she knew at that moment he had found it...her heart and his own right within the palm of their hands." Orihime-centric.


AN: Hey people : ) ! This is my first (posted) fanfiction ever! I've done many more before but they all got delete or I found them not good enough to put up on the internet XD

I plan on writing and posting a lot more with many different anime and games : ) Since I'm a total otaku freak and I am clearly obsessed with certain characters 3 ( ZACKKKK!)

Anyways enough of my chit-chatting I hope you guys like this and even if you don't that's okay : D I'm posting this because I liked it and I like Ulquihime.

Bold letters are for emphasis and Italics for thoughts or flashbacks.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters because if I did, clearly the show would be rated 18++ XD I love Tite Kubo BLEACH FTW !

Her hand lingered on the cold metal and she softly rested her head against it, sighing in fatigue for she had, had many restless nights since she had come back from** that place**. A whirlwind of memories flashed behind her eyes, at the forefront of her mind even though she tried her hardest to will them away. They just never seemed to disappear…to easily fade way the same way **he** did. Suddenly voices called her out of her trance and she let her arms fall back to her side, no longer holding onto the locker door. She lifted her head to acknowledge the familiar voice calling out her name.

Tatsuki was smiling at her and running towards her in a fair pace, more like a jog than a run. Orihime lifted her hand and moved it back and forth, waving at her best friend and forcing a small smile on her face, her eyes closed as she did so. Finally Tatsuki arrived at her side, her breath a little hitched from her morning exercise that consisted in 'finding Orihime' really that girl always wondered around. It always took hours before Tatsuki could find her but what mattered most was that she did. Tatsuki had been overjoyed when Orihime had returned from her unknown disappearance, though she was one of the few in the school who knew the reason behind her absence. At first she had gone ballistic when Orihime had disappeared and she just **couldn't** find her. It had angered her so much, and she lashed out all her anger on Ichigo claiming it was his entire fault.

But when he had brought her back safe and sound she couldn't have been happier. She was eternally thankful though she was too stubborn, hard-headed and prideful to apologize to him for her disgraceful actions. But she did thank him while she had hugged the life out of Orihime. But unlike the others she had noticed her best friends attitude and how...void she seemed. She was nothing like her old self though she pretended to be. People went along with her charade believing the same old cheery girl had come back, but Tatsuki new better. She also noticed Orihime wasn't the only one that didn't seem too happy to be back in the world of the living, Ichigo also carried discontentment in his eyes and even…regret? Sometimes when both their gazes found each other they would communicate this mutual sadness, this raw sorrow that hung over them both. Ichigo would look away from Orihime ashamed and clearly uncomfortable while the auburn haired girl plastered on a reassuring smile and giggled softly with unshed tears glistening in her stormy grey irises. Tatsuki would just stare at them, analyzing their movements and the way they would silently retract within themselves. Even if Orihime had come back she couldn't find the bond they once held together anymore, Orihime was completely...disconnected from this world. The vacant person that greeted them had left her old self from wherever she had come back from.

Her friend disappeared and she could only remember what she used to be and bear with the girl who was now unresponsive to anything. She wanted to ask her what was wrong, what had happened that could tear he apart this way? She craved to comfort her, but the girl never answered to her soft inquires and her gentle prodding. Even the small pats and hugs she would give her, weren't shared with that certain exuberant warmth, just fake smiles and too-loose hugs. Tatsuki felt like she had lost her best friend and the worse was she couldn't do anything about it, even Ichigo refused to reveal what had transpired, what had made Orihime this girl with the vacant eyes. Tatsuki sighed and shook her head out of her thoughts wanting to wash away the pain Orihime felt, the one that was slowly spreading to her, like a contagious disease. She gripped her friends arm and guided her through the halls to their first period class. Orihime let herself be dragged through the halls barely acknowledging her surroundings and all the smiling faces around her, the ones that suddenly felt so suffocating. She closed her lids letting the darkness overcome her vision. She would rather see nothing than the twinkle in all their eyes, the happiness that everyone seemed to share expect for** her**. Because in that place…no one smiled, no one laughed, there was no joy to be felt because all of it had already left into another lifetime. In that place were only emotions pilled up with hatred, stricken with the vengeance of the dead in that world there was only darkness. She herself at the time had felt no such emotion, no such thing as joy, only a certain anxiety concerning her friends and the ever-present sorrow that hung heavily in that moon, that shined with the wishes of the dead. The only thing in that place that was frozen, unmoving without care, anger, grief or delight were his eyes, no matter how vibrantly green they were they stayed a testament of what he was; hollow. But in that one moment...they…they-

"-hime."

"Orihime!"

Her lids snapped open as she felt a sharp tug on her arm and she looked up at Tatsuki that looked back at her with a frown and that concern that had become the new way she acknowledged Orihime ever since she had come back. Orihime nodded to her friend and pulled back her arm, walking into the classroom filled with loud chattering people discussing their everyday life, enjoying each others presence. A part of Orihime envied them, for she had nothing to say and she could no longer smile genuinely without having guilt strike within her heart and the vision of that emotionless face pounding in her mind. She ignored the lively world around her, opting to wave at the small hello's with a masked pretense of happiness. She sat down remembering when she had come here before her departure filled with nostalgia, now she just sat down filled with regret. She should be filled with relief seeing as how she **should** have hated him, but she never really had, Orihime could never find it within herself to hate. She could not despise anyone since she always tried to understand them, she was always one to sympathize being the naïve compassionate girl. Even if she tried to decipher his very being, she had never understood until he became only but scattered ashes in the wind.

She never really liked him, he had terrorized her, crushed and shattered her hopes, twisted her words and mocked her beliefs. She didn't despise his very being but even if she had…he wasn't really a **being** in the first place now was…he? He made her lonelier in that place, more desperate and sick and every time he came near her she wanted to wretch. His void eyes made her shiver every time they pierced through her, they made her heart squeeze and constrict inside of her chest with fear. As soon as he looked into her eyes she could feel herself trembling and her mind begging her to run away as fast as she could, but she was a prisoner and that was never an option for her. She remembered when he had pushed her so far with his razor sharp words that she finally snapped and before she had known or even realized it her hand had lashed out to claim revenge and she was panting with trepidation trying to calm down from the emotions causing an inner turmoil within her. She felt so much in his presence that it **hurt**, it was the same as when she looked at Ichigo but at the same time the complete reverse, with the shinigami she was in a daze and things would suddenly seem so idealistic. With the Espada everything sunk into despair, the world was shrouded with a veil that absorbed all other emotion expect for that **single** one that would wrap around you. Even so she had always wanted to show him that she was right that everything she believed in wasn't useless or worthless, that all he ever spoke to her were lies coming from a heartless soul. She always wanted to be away from him, away from all those emotions, from his presence and his words…until she finally understood, until he looked at her with…emotion in those jade irises. She understood and now she could never go back to being oblivious, to pursuing the matter but never really knowing. No now she knew, she had seen right through him to the very depth of his heart, when he had gazed at her that one last time…

Wherever she went, whatever she thought she could never let go of him, because in the end he gave her his all, he gave her his **heart**. Suddenly the noise disappeared and the silence reigned in the classroom and every student was seated listening attentively to the teacher droning on and on. Even before she had gone to that god-awful place she never paid attention to class always imagining various adventures in her head and spacing out while looking through the beams of sunlight that crossed over the room. Thinking was something she did too much and sometimes she just wished she could stop even for a second. Stop thinking about everything he did and said and what it would be like...if he had smiled at her. All these months and she still hadn't moved on, she still dreamed she was in Hueco Mundo desperate for an escape, but willing to stay so that she could show him that 'love' wasn't a false illusion humans created. She dreamed that she had touched that hand, and felt just how alike it was to snow after all, pure white and deathly cold. But she had missed it and it vanished and she just couldn't forget, that one second it was there reaching toward her and the next it was gone like he had never existed, the only proof of his existence was left to be scattered in her memories. All the other shinigami had long forgotten and ignored what had occurred and who they had killed. But his heart that radiated warmth within the palm of her hand, made sure that she never forgot him, sometimes she thinks she doesn't want to.

She will always remember the panic, distress and pain she felt within that hour, the worry she felt for Kurosaki-kun and how much she prayed for his safety and hoped to the king or god or whatever was above this hell that he would survive, because he **needed too**, he was Kurosaki-kun after all...right? She could see the transformation and how such a monstrous thing shouldn't be her prince, how the beast had clawed and roared with rage, forever tainting the delicate image of Kurosaki-kun within her mind. The battle was something that was blurred within her mind, the tearing of limbs and huge explosions were only scarce images now and she rather they stayed that way. Because two beasts ripping at each others souls was something no one wanted to witness. She can still feel the smile that spread over her face when Ichigo came back from the dead, came back right to her side. She can still hear the sound of** his** voice pleading for death, for a final blow on his disintegrating body. Most of all she will always see the ashes of his body becoming one with the wind as he speaks to her with that hollow voice, the one that speaks of no emotion even in his last breath.

"_And here I was…finally starting to take an interest in all of you."_

_She looks at him with a gaze that can only be described as sorrow-filled…almost...almost as if she **doesn't** want him to go, to disappear and become dust._

_His hand extends forward long and lean fingers parting and reaching for her own asking that question that he had before expect this time he meant it towards himself, this time he actually **cared** for the answer. _

"…_Do I frighten you?"_

_A slight pause but she knows he will add that word because he has always called her that way, hearing him not saying it would feel too odd even in this moment._

"_Woman"_

_She takes a deep breath and doesn't even need to ponder, to think back on anything the answer spills straights from her lips as if it had been the truth all along. She feels the tears well in her eyes as she utters those words that mean so much to the both of them right now._

"_No…you don't"_

_He still looks at her with those sharp eyes, they haven`t softened one bit, but within them something swirls, something is apparent and she knows he can feel now. He replies quietly smoothly, controlled like always._

"_I see"_

_In a last attempt he pushes his arm forward as she extends her arm to his fingers only centimetres away from grasping, holding the tickle of warmth, warmth he had never emitted before. But the warmth became but a faint whisper a wish she had hoped to grasp onto. The only thing she feels is empty space greeting her clasped hand and the tickle of his ashes grazing her skin. Before long he is gone, nothing more than departed embers within the night. She never missed that smile of contentment as he faded away and she knew at that moment he had found it...her **heart** and his own right within the palm of their hands. _

As the vivid images became but a memory once again she sighed feeling restless yet again and aching from the inside, her cheeks felt wet? She caressed them looking for the source of the wetness though she knew what it was she wanted to pretend they weren't tears. But sure enough she was crying for what felt like a long…long time ago of putting on a mask and assuring everyone she was okay and happy-go-lucky when all she felt was internal misery. Now in front of everyone she was cracking at the seams, her false persona crumbled away and the sobs racked within her dry throat. Everyone's attention was immediately on her, concerned eyes sweltering in her direction. Somehow she felt like she deserved to let it all out, just for this once and that's what she did. She screamed and wept and sobbed clutching at her arms before she couldn't take sitting in the room filled with voices calling her out and hands patting her back. So she ran away from them all, blindly through the halls and she could hear echoing footsteps following her and she knew one of them was Tatsuki. But at this moment she didn't care, she didn't want comfort or promises. No one knew or understood but she did.

So she ran as fast as her legs could take her, further and further pushing herself away from the living, and breathing, conscious world. Once she knew she was far out of school onto the many streets of Kakura town she stopped, looked for her followers and having seen no sign of them nearby, she walked briskly through the traffic. Panting like a mad woman and waiting to find** *that place**…a few more left and rights and she found herself in a public park, the one she was so fond of. She could feel the ghost of a smile creep onto her lips as she stared at that small swing the one she adored looking at the skies above with. Or watching the sunset while swinging to the breeze, this time though she simply sat down, making no movement to go forward or backward, just staying still. She looked forward to her town, her world the one she belonged to, the one she had missed so much while imprisoned in that solitary place. But now something was amiss with her world…he…wasn't there…and…she-she couldn't show him…what love meant…what love was…and just how much he…could have loved.

'_Ulquiorra…I wonder if you would have still thought me foolish to think I could show you the ways of the heart…but…but you have a heart I know it, its warmth is by me night and day. I…really really wish you…were here to share it with me though. It seems completely absurd. But in some way when you looked at me with those eyes and that semblance of a smile I think **that's** the moment...I fell in love with you.'_

He had given her his heart…but somewhere along the way right before he evaporated into thin air…she had given away hers too.

*If you watch the show in the 18th ending Orihime is seen on a swing set gazing out to the sun : )

Link: .com/watch?v=FvJRQGbIJGM&feature=related

That's the place I'm talking about.

Hope you enjoyed it and thank you for reading!

Hopefully I didn't make to many mistakes _


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